I have been sick and depressed which is why I have ignored my blog.

I am struggling with Celiac disease. I hate it. I feel trapped. I know intellectually what to do and what kind of attitude I should have. But right now I am just not there. I am depressed, fatigued and I feel pretty hopeless. In fact so much so that I went on a Gluten binge last week. I ate Big Macs, Pie, Dorritos and Cake. I felt so naughty getting away with my Gluten food and no one knew. It was like a high I was on. The food tasted great. I was out of control. I knew I would pay for it but I didn't care. I felt like I just couldn't stop. It also made me feel normal again. I hate to use the word normal but I think you know what I mean.

I know some of the depression is from recovering from surgery the past 4 months. And what a nightmare my surgery and then complications were. My surgery wasn't the kind where you get up and get moving. It was the lie in bed for months and hopefully heal.

I don't personally know anyone who is going through this that I could talk to. You need that. Also I just ordered a lot of Gluten free food and was so disappointed with some of it. The bread like products just taste weird to me. They just don't taste the same. All the bread products are dense, thick and heavy. They are not light and fluffy. And since I don't have the right attitude I am not probably keeping my options and opinions open.

I think I am making this more difficult than it needs to be. But how do you force yourself to feel and think positive when you just can't right now. I did find a local support group and I hope that gives me the push I need. Anyway I am struggling right now and hope the struggle ends soon.