I have never been one of those people who made resolutions and took them serious. Whatever resolution I usually did make was over by the first week in January.

But last year sucked so bad that I am actually going to try to make some resolutions this year. I need some serious change in my life.

1.Write in my blog more than every 6 months. (which I would have done if not so sick this past year)
2.Take control of my health. I am going to be more pro-active in my celiac disease and not let the disease continue to depress and debilitate me.
3.Decide what I want to do in life. I have worked in corporate america for the past 22 years. I struggle all the time with “is this what I want to do the rest of my life”. I want to be creative. Sew, be artistic and find some bliss. I am tired of working with people who don't care about each other. Where I work everyone is phoney and unaware of the world around them. But I know I need my insurance and well paying job to pay off all my medical bills. This will be my most challenging resolution.
4.Read a book daily.
5.Listen to more music.
6.Get out of the house more.

I know that these are going to be very challenging to accomplish. But if you knew me you would know once I REALLY put my mind to something there will be no stopping me.

So those are my New Years Resolutions. I am going to try really hard to make them happen and regain control of my life.

Hey. I am still here. I haven't been writing because I have been recovering from my 3rd surgery. I have just been feeling lousy. But thanks for all the comments. It's nice to know there are others out there who can relate to what I am going through. I do have a funny story to share with you. Well I think it's funny. Just a warning. It is sexual in nature.

I had to go to the Emergency Room last Wednesday. I was having pain, nausea, sweating profusely and dehydrated. When I get like this my pain doctor told me that sex or masterbation can help. Due to the endorphin rush. Which is the best natural pain medication there is. In the past I have done this and it has helped. Not everytime, but sometimes. Because I am so sick, sex is out of the question so I usually try to masterbate. It just wasn't working this time. So after 5 hours of misery I dragged myself to the ER.

I was lucky and got in right away. I have been to the ER enough times and have seen enough doctors, that I never lie to them about anything. It doesn't help you and they do not judge you. They just need to know what is going on. I had a male nurse and a male doctor treating me and both were about my age. When it came to the standard question "Any burning when you urinate". I said yes, but I do not have an infection. The doctor asked me how I could be sure. So I explained to him that I used my vibrator for the last 4 hours and I have irritated myself. The RN then said. And you aren't wiped out. And I said no, because it didn't work! I never had an orgasm. He then asked why I did it and I explained that it helps with pain etc. I could tell he was a little embarrassed. Then the doctor said I think masterbation is helpful for everything and thanked me for being so honest.

After that I got excellent treatment. They were both very attentive. Not because I was so desireable but because I think I gave them a little humor in their long days of treating sick people. My RN even told me he would never forget me.

So that is my funny little story about my last ER visit. Hope you can find the humor as well. It is important in life to see the humor of things. It makes this journey of life just a little easier,

I have been sick and depressed which is why I have ignored my blog.

I am struggling with Celiac disease. I hate it. I feel trapped. I know intellectually what to do and what kind of attitude I should have. But right now I am just not there. I am depressed, fatigued and I feel pretty hopeless. In fact so much so that I went on a Gluten binge last week. I ate Big Macs, Pie, Dorritos and Cake. I felt so naughty getting away with my Gluten food and no one knew. It was like a high I was on. The food tasted great. I was out of control. I knew I would pay for it but I didn't care. I felt like I just couldn't stop. It also made me feel normal again. I hate to use the word normal but I think you know what I mean.

I know some of the depression is from recovering from surgery the past 4 months. And what a nightmare my surgery and then complications were. My surgery wasn't the kind where you get up and get moving. It was the lie in bed for months and hopefully heal.

I don't personally know anyone who is going through this that I could talk to. You need that. Also I just ordered a lot of Gluten free food and was so disappointed with some of it. The bread like products just taste weird to me. They just don't taste the same. All the bread products are dense, thick and heavy. They are not light and fluffy. And since I don't have the right attitude I am not probably keeping my options and opinions open.

I think I am making this more difficult than it needs to be. But how do you force yourself to feel and think positive when you just can't right now. I did find a local support group and I hope that gives me the push I need. Anyway I am struggling right now and hope the struggle ends soon.

This is my deer who visits me every day and grazes in my yard.

ENER-G Wheat Free Crackers are the best.

Since I have been diagnosed with Celiac Disease it has been a struggle to give up bread and crackers. I have tried many brands of gluten-free crackers that tasted like shellacked disks. So when Jacob came home with ENER-G crackers I was a bit skeptical. The box says Gluten, Wheat, Milk, Lactose and Egg free. What the heck were these going to taste like? When I opened the box I was pleasantly surprised that they looked like actual high quality good crackers and most important they taste great. I love them. I eat them with everything I use to eat bread with. They are a daily staple in my gluten-free diet. It is one of the few items I can honestly say I don't feel like I am missing out on. So if you are gluten intolerant, or actually intolerant to any of the above mentioned ingredients. I highly recommend you try this product.

Jacob is my boyfriend. We have been dating almost 4 years and living together for 2 years this May. Most of the time Jacob is really cool to me, understands my quirky/passionate behavior, interests, hobbies and totally accepts my "Kymberlyism's". I know I am not the easiest girlfriend, and with my past recent health issues he is a Saint!

But today he woke up and he SUCKED! He was bitter and angry instantly towards me and asked if I was going to lay in bed all day.

Like I have mentioned in the past I am recently recovering from two surgeries and just went back to work this week part time. All I really want to say about my surgery is this. It was in a very sensitive spot and a place that no one would ever want surgery unless they ABSOLUTELY had too. My surgery was not elective. The recovery from my surgery unfortunately is not the get out of bed as soon as possible, it was the lay around until this wound heals and it is going to take some time. Especially when you get an infection that you surgeon tells you is "the worse he have seen in the 25 years" of doing this specialized surgery. So my recovery has been long, painful and frickin exhausting.

No I wasn't going to lay in bed all day! He got way more sleep than I did last night and we both took naps after we got off of work yesterday. I mention that because he gets upset that I am exhausted still since I have no stamina or endurance and just spent my first week working on that and a need a frickin nap after work. He then very passive aggressively announced "his only plans today is too wait around to take me to Urgent Care" because I was having symptoms of possible infection again. I just feel so bad/mad when he does this. He then took a shower went upstairs to play video games. I waited a few minutes and went upstairs to try to salvage this day and said "Honey I am not going to lay in bed, I will do 4 hours of house work, continue with my 4 hour work day to help me build my endurance blah blah". He seemed happier and even said he was feeling better and woke up in a bad mood blah blah. I came down stairs and decided to write in my new blog he created for me about our night rescuing Jessika at the Ferry.

Jacob loves video games. He has practically every system, has a well received and viewed blog that reviews and discusses video games and even on occasions reviews video games for the Seattle Stranger. Needless to say Video Games our his thing. Since he was upstairs playing video games I thought he was continuing this better mood. But nooooo. 1 Hour later emerged a pissed off boyfriend slamming the cupboard we keep our basic health aids, toothpaste etc. Demanding where is some aspirin or ibuprofen. I very nicely said "I don't know I haven't used anything like that in awhile". Which prompted him to make a bullshit dig about of coarse not I have been on so many pain meds and wouldn't bother with simple over the counter meds. I went to the cupboard, found some menstrual relief pills and gave them too him! He took them and left to go to Target. I asked him nicely if he would like for me to go with him. (Which normally he would.) Too which he replied very loud and sternly NO! and proceeded to slam the front door and drive off.

I know he is tired of my health issues and doubts our life at this moment will return to normal (what ever that is). So I am trying to understand all this. But right now My Boyfriend Sucks!

When you live in Bremerton it can really suck if you miss the ferry. Last night my good friend Jessika missed the boat. And she missed it by literally a minute.

First off I want to say the Ferry is very cool. I love that I can walk on a boat, take a beautiful ride across the Puget Sound and an hour later arrive in down town Seattle.

There are lots of times in the day to catch a ferry. The Boat runs back and forth practically all day. But there is this weird gap of time in the evening that can really mess up your whole night. In the evening leaving Seattle going to Bremerton there is a 10:30p.m. and a 12:50a.m. boat. So when going to Seattle you have to decide do you want to get home at 11:30 or basically 2:00am. That's a big gap! So when you miss the 10:30p.m. boat and your stuck with the 12:50a.m. boat that can really ruin your whole night.

Jessika is the Festival Fairy. She was at Seattle's yearly Folk Life Festival. And she missed the boat. She called me from the terminal to bitch and complain and I knew I had to save her. Bainbridge Island is a half hour drive from Bremerton and a half hour ferry ride from Seattle and there is no gap of boat times in the evening. So I told her to jump on the Bainbridge boat and Jake and I would come get her.

I could hear the grateful relief in her voice and got ready to go. We had to leave immediately. Now this is not just a 30 minutes drive to the ferry and a 30 minute drive back. This is a 1 hour and 45 minute round trip for us. But I love Jessika and Jake is totally cool with my girlfriends so we rescued her and got her home safe by midnight. You do that for a friend.

Yesterday I drove the cats and Jacob crazy. It was sort of fun and really not my intention. You see my birthday present from my MOM arrived yesterday. I brought the box in and placed it on my bed. Opened my mail and was exhausted from work. I am still recovering from surgery and I have very little strength or endurance. Desi my cat had already made himself comfortable on top of the box. He was all sprawled out and as happy as he could be. He was so cute I decided to lay down and let him have his fun. I knew Jacob would be home soon and would wake me up. I figured I would open my gift then.

Jacob came home and I just wouldn't wake up. He kept tugging at me "Honey don't you want to open your present. The cats are going nuts." My cats go nuts over boxes. They like to lay on top, or inside and they usually can't/don't wait until the box is empty. So at anytime there may be numerous empty boxes laying around the house.

I finally woke up after I realized that Jacob was starting to open my present. I told him to stop. I had decided at the time that it would be really cool to open my present when my mom called. She had told me she was going to call because my box hadn't arrived the day before and she was starting to get a little worried. My Mom lives out of state and we haven't spent a birthday together in 7 years. So like I said I thought it would be cool. Finally after 9:30pm and no call I opened my box. It wasn't difficult since the cats had already worked on it. As soon as the lid was off Desi planted himself right on top of all the tissue paper and started to tear into it. Soon all 6 cats were tearing into the box. I carefully extracted the gifts, put all the paper back and the cats have not stopped playing with their present since. Thanks mom for the great gifts. The kitties loved it.

So after 3 months of being off from work. I went back. It's not as simple as that you see. The past two years I have been sick with Celiac disease and didn't know it. So I have missed lots of work in the last two years. Maxed out my FMLA both years and had to even go on extended disability for this last time out. So when it comes to work there is lots of anxiety. Am I finally back for good??? Am I going to get sick or need some other surgery in the near future? Am I going to eat something and have an attack at work? On top of all that. There is the stress of my boss and co-workers. They have been supportive but I know they are tired of Kymberly and her illnesses. I can't say I blame them I have felt the same way about myself many of times. It's only natural to resent someone who is out sick all the time and you have to pick up the slack. So at this point lets just say they don't trust me yet. Trust to know that I will be present.

That is a FISH philosophy. FISH philosophy is a corporate concept that we subscribe to. It basically evolved from the Seattle Market Fish Throwers. There are 4 basic principles. 1. Be present 2. Have fun/play 3. Make their day 4. Choose a great attitude. If you apply these principle's to your work, attitude and co-workers then everything is better. It's a good/fun philosophy to have but lately I have been falling short. I haven't been present and I definitely haven't made their day.

So today I marched off to battle. It feels like a battle. A battle with my body and sometimes my spirit. For the most part everyone was nice and welcomed me back for the umpteenth time.

Today is my birthday. I turned 41 today. Where the hell did the time go? Seems like just yesterday I was in my 20's. I don't feel 41. I still feel hip and with it. I go to concerts (I love brit-pop, punk rock and indie music). I am involved in Roller Derby. I color. I make zombie dolls and love old movies.

I am not one of those crazy birthday people. You know the type where it is their day from the moment they wake up and every second revolves around their day. I am not putting these people down that's their thing.

I guess it is a good thing I feel this way since I spent all day today in bed sleeping recovering from my previous days Celiac attack. I slept all day with the comfort of my kitties sleeping all around me.

Jacob made me some delicious gluten free spice birthday cup cakes.

They are so good that Tabitha (my evil kitty) keeps grabbing the cup cake wrappers out of the trash to lick them.

I received some great gifts. Six more months subscription to Sirius Satellite Radio. I love Howard Stern. New Derby skates and gear, 2 cool new coloring books, pearl earrings, a cool book about Hollywood and some nice cards.

All in all a very nice birthday and with that here is hoping no more bad Celiac attacks for the rest of 2007.